Monday, June 15, 2009

Feeling it melt away...

So since I dove back into my spiritual practice head first Id have to say Im starting to feel alot more like myself again. Ive realized alot of things just in this short period of time and one of them being that I don't have to fight the world like I have been. Alot of my stress and anxiety came from me hating and fighting against the world all the time and I realized that it really is all perfect. Taoism has taught me that fighting against the world and trying to fix it is a losing battle and I know that first hand from the way I was feeling. We are all perfect and all apart of the drama. I was at the gym today and just felt so euphoric seeing all the perfection around me. As ram dass said it was like "seeing god's paint brush at work." And I didn't have to push or pull or do anything, it's always been perfect the way it is! I was the one that was making it "unperfect" for myself. Im trying to think of how to word what Im going to say right's long as I kept wanting the world to be perfect it was never going to be. Because wanting something puts you at a distance from it and it'll never happen. As soon as I had that mind shift from wanting to accepting I saw the world in a way Ive never seen it before. It was like being born again. I hope I made sense in what I was trying to get across

Another thing I realized is that all you're unhappyness really does spawn from you're attachments. Atleast mine do. Now whenever Im feeling anxious or upset or whatever about something and I don't know why, I ask myself "what am I attached to?" You don't realize it but your mind is CONSTANTLY looking for something to cling too, something for it to attach itself too. For whatever reason I haven't figured that out yet, maybe it'll be another realization some day, but it really does go from one thing to the next. It's not you're fault either it's just the way it is, but working with meditation can help you free your mind and make you a happier person. For example when Im feeling like Im inadequate (hope I spelled that right) and like Im not doing enough with my life I figured out that what Im attached to is what other people think of what Im doing. Im attached to wanting people to think of me a certain way and just knowing that makes the anxiety drop 50% and then I can take that attachment and throw it away and there goes the other 50%. And I know that Im not the only one that does this either. I could name a few people I know who are solely doing things based off what other people think or to impress people with how much they have or how much they've done, but they will go unnamed on this blog of Thats how I also eventually got over my break up too was finding out that I was fighting the change and then once I realized that I just surrendered and let the change just happen, I embraced it and knew that it was all apart of the perfection.

Another thing that Ive come to realize is that livng in the now is one of the most beautiful things you can experience as a human being. Thats all I have to say about that.

Now working with meditation Ive found a method that has worked for me and it's a method thats been used for thousands of years. But you take everything that you know yourself to be (ex. Im a brother, a son, a friend, 6'5", I work at Mattituck shellfish, I live on long island, Im laid back, blah blah blah) you take everything and then throw it away. Then what am I do you ask? You are exactly that....and you are none of that. It's quite the paradox and if you try and rationalise it with the thinking mind you'll never figure out what I just said. You Are.....

I will right more later but for now I must go get something to eat. Peace

Oh and I will be starting a new series (thank you dr.L for the I will be writing each day one of the 81 verses of the tao de ching that was written a loooooonnnnngggggg time ago by Lao Tsu. It is said to be the greatest selling book only second to the bible. I don't think I will do all 81 but as I write them down I will contemplate each one and I hope you will join me in understanding the writtings of Lao Tsu


  1. WOW! How completely and utterly profound. What an amazing reframe you have done with your change in perspective. Your blog inspires me as well so please keep on sharing it all; the pleasant, the pain, the attachments, the growth. It is all BEAUTIFUL just as it is. I am happy to be an inspiration to you and to know and love you. You are a wonderful being. DOC

  2. Adam this blog made me cry...compared to the one a few posts ago, this is the brother I know! I want so much for you to be happy with the world and enjoy your life, and if there is anything in the world I could do for you, you know I would do it. It was so refreshing to see this posting and I am so proud of you...i know you will probably hate me for saying all of this but just deal broder :-P