But I really feel like I could just drop out of society right now and not be the least bit saddend at all. Actually I feel as though I would do better. Ive felt this way for the longest time and I don't know whats stopping me from doing it. Maybe fear? I don't know. People take my boredom with life as depression but it's not. Im just tired of the games and trips that go along with this lifestyle. Because it's like "is that all there is?" I find myself constantly saying to myself that there's gotta be more to life than this. And it's not just one general game that Im talking about. It's games that people and I have played with relationships, education, friends, achievment, goals, etc etc. Whatever it is there always seems to be a game that goes along with it, but for what? It just seems so empty to me.
Now really the only time I don't have that empty feeling is when Im doing something with unattachment or doing whatever Im doing in complete surrender. But as you can imagine thats hard to do when you live in a place like Long Island, which is always go go go and material material material and achieve achieve achieve. It's easy to forget the thing that makes you feel whole and get caught in the trap of feeling like you don't have enough. So what do I do? Do I stay here and try and cut through it all? Or do I finally say Ive had enough and drop out and find a cave in the Himalays. I dunno, but hopefully the answer comes soon.