Spiritual practice is beginning to open myself up again to the world. Im starting to feel the restrictions that Ive put on myself all these years, with my mind, become less and less of a handicap. They have not completely fallen away yet and maybe never will, but what used to be crippling is just a fascinating part of the dance now. You see quieting yourself down and being one with it all, for me atleast, has taught me more about myself and this life then I could have ever imagined. But if you do meditation or spiritual practice or praying or whatever for that reason then you're not going to learn anything at all. Meditation is not done to become a healthier person, or to become enlightened, or to be able to see it all, or because it's the hip thing to do now. Meditation is done because thats all there is to do, it's done just because. If you bring a goal or you're ego in with you, your not going to get anywhere, nor is there anywhere to go anyway.
At this point in my journey Ive come to realize that I reside in a place, right on the edge, where everything is manifest, a place of total fulfillment. Good and bad, pretty and ugly, bitter and sweet, etc etc. I am in form but formless, I am here but not here, I am doing something and not doing anything at all. Right in the center between yin and yang. And as you become more able to extricate yourself from your structures of mind, emotion, feeling, personality, you start to see it all as perfect and harmonious. Thats the whole game is trying to get back to that place where we all came from of emptiness, spaciousness and love. The formula seems to be that emptiness = total fulfillment. Odd formula isn't it? But as soon as you try and inject the ego or some other frame of mind into it, you lose it. And when you're at that place you see everything and accept everything for the way it is with total love and compassion, the good and the bad, because thats all you can do. You can't accept the good times and recject the bad times it's impossible, and the people who try and do it are the ones that are constantly running into problems all the time, wether it be big or small. Because part of it is the perspective of which they are looking at the situation which is the ego. The universe isn't fighting against bad things happening to it, it's just letting it happen. Neither is the universe wasting itself worried about it's inevitable demise, it just is. And as you get deeper and deeper, you start to love the highs and lows just as equally becuase you see the perfection in it all, and to do otherwise just creats more suffering and is hypocrytical if you really think about it. It's like what maharaji said to Ram Dass "Don't act like christ, become christ"
All of your fears and worries and stresses are just creations of the ego. As it is said "Only the unattached mind can really see how it all is" Your attachments and your ego are creating your universe.